heroic couplet

LewRockwell.com Blog: Historical Hilarity

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March 11, 2005

Historical Hilarity

Posted by Anthony Gregory at March 11, 2005 04:51 PM

Correction: These aren't from textbooks but from students' papers, according to the site. I lazily looked at something that linked to it and not the site itself. Still funny, though.

I came across this site of quotes supposedly found in actual history books and tests in American colleges and high schools. It explains much about the way Americans view history. Did you know, for example, that:

"The airplane was invented and first flown by the Marx brothers"; "Hitler's instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho"; "Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of The Republicans"; "The Boston Tea Party was held at Pearl Harbor"; "Americans wanted no involvement in the French and Indian War because they did not want to fight in India."; "Moses was told by Jesus Christ to lead the people out of Egypt into the Sahaira Desert. The Book of Exodus describes this trip, including the Ten Commandments, various special effects and the building of the Suez Canal"

"The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, and comedies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet"; "Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, 'A horse divided against itself cannot stand.'"; Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands."; "Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline."; "Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense."; "Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees."; "Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large."; "The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West."

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